The Grey Man: Top Gear Goes Grey

Some say, unlike the Presidential Auto Task Force, he actually owns American made cars.

Others say his secret identity is "The Dread Blogger Roberts", cruising the internet aboard the "Revenge".

All we know, is he's called The Grey Man.

Ahh, the late 70's! America being bullied by Iran, our ships captured on the high seas, bad music, leisure suits, Chrysler going broke.

I didn't do any heavy drugs back then, and damned little of the minor ones. But it must have been enough, I'm having a flashback.

Back then, I was interested in getting rid of zits, getting booze, getting laid, and cars. I only had occasional success with the first three, but did pretty well with cars. And no, my priorities haven't changed much.

Back then, environmental weirdness and uncertainty over gas prices led to some of the worst cars ever. The only way you'd have fond memories about those cars was if you got laid in one. And given how anemic those cars were, it was difficult to keep it up long enough to even get laid. Remember the Chevy Citation?

The only citation you could ever get in it was for insulting caskets worldwide. Or how about Chrysler's savior from bankruptcy, the K car?

Naming this the Reliant is like Brittany Spears changing her name to Virginia.

Now, the President has decided that Chrysler's new savior will be Fiat. It seems the President is NOT a car guy. Anybody who can tell a Johnson rod from a lug nut knows FIAT stands for "Fix It Again, Tony". Not the best choice for car owners, but pretty good for the repair guys.

But Fiat's reputation for reliability is much better that it's support for free enterprise. According to Wiki:

"Fiat has a long history of licensing its products to other countries regardless of local political or cultural persuasion."

Well that explains why they want to do business with Obama.

Fiat has co-operated with Mussolini and the Nazis. They've also done joint ventures with all the paragons of civil liberties: Turkey, Egypt, Ethiopia (They make cars?!?), South Africa, Yugoslavia, and the Soviet Union.

Now that Obama's invited them in, he'll be able to apologize a lot more.

But enough of the politics, lets look at their joint venture cars.

With the Soviets, they helped make the Lada Riva. According to
Wikicars, "often regarded as one of the worst cars ever made".

Damn, something that looks even worse than the Citation, less reliable than a Ford Fairmont, and performs worse than a Reliant. The Trifacta!!

But, gentle readers, it can get worse. And it does. Fiat was also involved in the Yugo.

A good friend owned a Yugo, affectionately named "The Blue Yugoslavian Death Trap From Hell". The car had an amazing tendency to regularly shed parts. Something would just fall off, and usually when he was on a date. After a couple of years, he'd had enough. He couldn't sell the bloody thing. Nobody would take it in trade. The best he could do was get $50 from a junkyard, but only if he's bring it in.

And now, by Presidential direction, Fiat will take control of Chrysler. Bye bye, Hemi Challenger.